Return To Me
by Lunamar
Summary: Elizabeth Shepherd spent the last 22 years of her life looking for her lost daughter. Ever since she saw Meredith Grey's picture on the web, she convinced herself she is her daughter and nothing they could ever do, will convince her otherwise. MerDer. AU.
1. How To Disappear Completely

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything. Not getting a dime with this. Just having fun. This is the more AU thing I've ever written, so lets see how it goes. Rated for everybody for the moment.**

**-**

**That there**

**That's not me**

**I go**

**Where I please**

**I walk through walls**

**I float down the Liffey**

**I'm not here**

**This isn't happening**

**I'm not here**

**I'm not here**

**In a little while**

**I'll be gone**

**The moment's already passed**

**Yeah it's gone**

**And I'm not here**

**This isn't happening**

**I'm not here**

**I'm not here**

**Strobe lights and blown speakers**

**Fireworks and hurricanes**

**I'm not here**

**This isn't happening**

**I'm not here**

**I'm not here**

**HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY ****by Radiohead.**

-

"This is officer Delgado. I'm detective Jones. We come from the Boston police department; we are looking for Ms. Meredith Grey. Does she lives here?"

Detective Jones flashed his batch in front of the man on the door. The man was big and had a disheveled appearance, with a three days, stubble on his face and an untrusting attitude. A series of elaborate patterns were tattooed across his lower arms, and on the right side of his neck.

"What's this about?" The man asked with caution, concealing half of his body behind the door, obstructing the view to the inside of the apartment, to the officers.

"We just want to ask her a few questions"

"About what?"

"I'm afraid that's confidential information, only to be discussed with Ms. Grey. Is she here?"

"Uhhh… Meredith!" He yelled inside the apartment. "The police is looking for you."

The two officers waited patiently for Meredith to appear. They knew this neighborhood very well, and both were aware they needed to be alert. Even though this visit has nothing to do with drug dealers, they were in their territory, this was the kind of neighborhood where a wrong look could start a shooting, they've seen it happen before, so they were acting with caution, specially in front of the man who just opened the door, who they assumed was the girl's boyfriend, he seemed a bit untrusting for their taste.

"Meredith!!" The man yelled louder one more time, he waited a few seconds for a response. "She's not answering. I think she's in the shower." He said while he started to close the door right in the officer's faces. Detective Jones was faster and got to put his feet between the door, making it impossible for the man to close the door.

"We don't mind waiting for her. It's important. Do you mind if we wait for her inside?"

The man had no choice but to let them in. Reluctantly opened the door widely to invite them inside the apartment. The place was a complete mess; it had the basic furniture, a couple of old couches, a TV, a table and some chairs. There were empty beer cans all over the floor and over the table along with dirty ashtrays. The scent of cigarette impregnated on the furniture invaded their nostrils.

The man walked away towards the kitchen, leaving both officers standing there alone. Contradictorily against the obvious mess around the house, something called the detectives attention, a collection of medical documentaries, by the Discovery Channel were neatly placed below, the TV.

It didn't take long before a petite, green-eyed woman, with blonde honey hair came in. Her hair was wet; a few drops were still falling over her white shirt. Apparently the man didn't lie.

"Ms. Meredith Grey."

"Yes?"

"This is officer Delgado, I'm detective Jones. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"

"Go ahead… Take a seat please." She offered while cleaning whatever she encountered in her way. Picking cans of beer from the floor and couch, obviously she was feeling embarrassed about the mess. "I'm sorry about this…. My boyfriend brought his idiot friends last night and apparently they think my house is a dumpster"

"Don't worry about it. Please take a seat with us Ms. Grey"

She sat right in front of the police officers, the anxiety started to get the best of her, when she spotted the folder detective Jones held under his arm. It had her name on the cover.

"I'm sorry… What's that?" She pointed at the folder shyly.

"Oh…" He said putting the folder down on the table. "It's your file… Please correct me if I'm wrong. According to this…" He pointed at the file on the table with both hands, he opened the folder and started reading.

"Merdith Anne Grey….Age 26… Daughter of Dr. Ellis Grey and Thatcher Grey… Your mother died when you were five, after that you went to live with your father and his wife, to Seattle. You have two half sisters, Lexie and Molly…. You ran away form your father's house at the age of 12. You spent most of your adolescence going in and out from numerous foster homes. At the age of 16, you went to a juvenile detention center for vandalism…"

"That was a misunderstanding…" She interrupted him defensively.

"Does it says there, that the bitch killed herself." The boyfriend appeared standing against the door on the kitchen, sneaking into the conversation, with a beer on his hand. "She slit her wrists right in front of her daughter, and on top of that she left Meredith with nothing. She donated all her money to science. What a bitch!" The man said while giving a big sip to the can of beer.

"Mat!" She sounded embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Ms. Grey, but we'd prefer to have this conversation privately." The detective said politely looking at her.

"I'm going… I'm going…" Meredith's boyfriend said as he took his jacket and his keys and walked out of the apartment with a smug expression.

After Mat left, Meredith turned her attention back to the officers, she seemed confused. "I'm sorry… I don't understand… What do you want from me? And why do you have all that information about me?"

The detective took out a picture from the file and placed it on the table. "Miss Grey… do you recognize this picture?"

She looked at it and recognized herself immediately. "Yes… That's me… I think it was taken at the bar where I work. It's a few blocks from here."

"Miss Grey… Are you the biological daughter of Dr. Ellis Grey?"

"What?" She answered in shock. "What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I'm biologically related to my mother."

"How can you know for sure?"

"Because first of all, I'm her spiting image, and second of all… why would I ever think I'm not biologically related to her, she was my mother."

The detective scrutinized her face for a few seconds, making her even more nervous about not knowing the reason of this stupid interrogatory, the man was really getting on her nerves.

"Do you have any pictures from before you were four years old… preferably as a baby with Dr. Grey, or any photos of her being pregnant?"

"I don't have anything… but if you need pictures you can go find Thatcher and ask him about them, he used to have tons, he's a picture freak."

"I see…" He said while writing something on his little notebook.

"Look… detective… You're really getting on my nerves here… And… I mean… Seriously!! Why would my mother, won't be my mother? She's my mother… And even if she weren't, what do you care who my mother was or if I had a mother at all. Last time I checked being an orphan is not a crime. I won't answer any more of your questions until you tell me what the hell are you doing in my house, intimidating me with your mysteriousness or whatever… So you have my picture, big deal. It's not like I'm killing someone in it. As far as I can tell I'm just serving a drink… so please, detective… cut the crap and tell me what's this about?"

The detective took a breath and looked at her in the eyes calmly. "I was contacted a few weeks ago by the New York police department, a woman claiming she just saw the daughter who was stolen form her at the age of four on an picture on the internet, contacted them." He took Meredith's picture on the table and slid it with his fingers closer to Meredith. "The woman on the picture is you, Ms. Grey, you just confirmed that. As you can see, we are obliged to look further into this matter."

"So… My picture being on the internet doesn't proves anything."

The detective proceeded to take out from the file three more pictures, and aligned the four pictures on the table one beside the other.

"This…" He said pointing at the first picture. It was a black and white picture of a smiling little girl who looked a lot like Meredith. It could've been her as a child. "Is the picture of the woman's daughter, that's how she used to look like back then when she was stolen away from her mother… And this…" He pointed at a second picture.

"This is a drawing made by a specialist, based on the little girl's bone structure, combined with pictures of her mother when she was that age, and they came up with this… This is how she was supposed to look like at the age of 14… So… if you happen to have pictures of yourself at that age I would certainly appreciate them… And this…" He pointed at the third picture.

"This is another drawing. This is how she's supposed to look like today, as an adult woman. As you can see the resemblance is remarkable.

Meredith stared at the pictures displayed on the table, hypnotized by the resemblance, if she didn't know better, she could affirm it is really herself on those drawings, but she wasn't. She was no one's long lost daughter. She was Ellis's Grey daughter. Ironically, this woman was desperately looking for her daughter in the face of a stranger, and her own mother never wanted to have anything to do with her. It' would've been nice to be loved like that.

"Yes it is…" She agreed. "That girl looks exactly like me… but it is not me… I'm sorry."

"That's not all… the age matches too… you have the same birthday…"

"So what you're saying exactly? You think my mother went out there to the other side of the country to steal another woman's child?"

"I'm not saying anything, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this, so that woman can have some peace of mind."

"Ok… Let me tell you something about my mother… My mother was an amazing, talented, extraordinary, brilliant surgeon. Surgery was her life, she lived on that hospital 24/7. When would she ever had the time to fly all the way to New York, stole another's woman daughter, get back to Boston and still do all the surgeries on her schedule? And right in the middle of that, win the Harper Avery award… twice…" She paused for a moment. "I feel for that woman… I really do, but clearly she's confused… I'm not her daughter."

"Right… So if you're so certain, you wouldn't mind give me a DNA sample." He said to her while taking out a swab.

"Of course not"

The detective introduced the swab inside her mouth and scratched her inner cheeks making sure he collected enough saliva.

"Ok then… Thank you for your time Ms. Grey."

"It's Ok!" She walked with them to open the door for them.

Detective Jones crossed the threshold of the door, and suddenly turned around facing Meredith.

"Miss Grey?"

"Yes?"

"One last thing…" He paused trying to organize his thoughts. "This woman… She spent 22 years of her life looking for her lost daughter. That girl is her first thought in the morning when she wakes up, and her last thought when she goes to sleep. Finding her daughter has become her only purpose in this life. And ever since she saw your picture on the web, she convinced herself that she finally found her. She blindly believes that you are her daughter and nothing we could ever do, or say…. Not me… not you, will convince her otherwise. I don't even think a DNA test can make her go against what her heart and soul wants to believe… she desperately needs to believe. I guess 22 years is too long. She's here in Boston, she flew with her son and one of her daughters, and the only reason she's not here right now, is because we didn't let her, we persuade her to let us handle the situation first. Now… I'm gonna go back and tell her what happened here. I'm gonna tell her, it is not you… I'm gonna wait till the DNA results are ready, but I know they will confirm your testimony… It is not you… You are not her daughter… But she wont' believe me. So be prepared, cause she might try to contact you."

"What's her name?"

"Elizabeth."

"And the girl?"

"Marie… Marie Shephard."

-

**A/N There you go my newest madness. Hope you liked it.**


	2. Up On The Ladder

**A/N since I seem to be in a Radiohead roll, I just decided I will use only Radiohead Lyrics for this fic, just because they are so great and love their lyrics. Click the link if you want to hear the song. **

**-**

**I'm stuck in the tardis **

**Trapped in hyperspace **

**One-minute snake charming**

**The next in another cave**

**All the right moves in**

**In the right percent**

**Watch me dance I'm a puppet **

**you can almost see the strings**

**Give me an answer**

**Give me a light**

**I've been climbing up this ladder **

**I've been wasting my time**

**So long, so long**

**So long, so long **

**Up on the ladder **

**But I'm tied to a stake**

**Up on the ladder**

**Away for your mistake**

**Up on the ladder**

**Try to call out your name**

**Up on the ladder**

**You're all the fucking same**

-

**UP ON THE LADDER by Radiohead.**

-

_Crap..! … Crap! Crap! Crap!_

The money is gone… How could it be gone? She hid it well, at least she thought she did, apparently hiding the rent money inside the toilet water tank, was not such a good idea as she though it was. And now she was in big… huge… monumentally humongous shit. Meredith promised Mr. Lee she would pay their three months debt by the end of the month, and now the money was gone completely. Mr. Lee was a good man, usually very understanding with her but he had a family to feed and he'd been patient enough. He was very clear when he said to her that if she didn't have the money by the end of the month she and Mat would have to look for another place to live.

How could Mat do that to her… again, it was his fault they'd been delayed with the rent in the first place. He had some debts to pay and she used the rent money, to help him with that. She spent the last three months working extra shifts, to save the money and now that asshole took it… Seriously! What the hell is wrong with him? Does he not care that they will be living in the streets if they don't pay the rent?

She loves Mat, she really loves him. They've been together for a while and he takes care of her… nobody has ever took care of her before… she's been alone most of her life, ever since her mom died, until Mat came along. But sometimes he could be sooooo… ugh… there was not even a word for it… Ass! But then again he was funny and he made her laugh, and sure he was not a perfect man… but he loves her. And she feels safe with him, and they usually enjoy together a few things like watching TV or going to the movies and stuff, and she likes his company, except for when he makes fun of her when she watches all those medical documentaries… He doesn't think she could ever be a surgeon, just cause her mother was one, it doesn't mean she can be one too, and he's probably right. But right now he's her least favorite person and he's going to listen to her… he's going to listen to her and he's gonna give her back all the money he took, but first she had to find where the hell is he. Most likely he's with his idiot friend Jeremy, that guy really gets on her nerves… he's good at nothing but getting himself and Mat into trouble, and then she has to come and clean up their messes. So the question was, what kind of trouble the two asses got in this time, to come into her house and in a very sneaky way steal the rent money.

But there won't be too long before she would find that out, she was on her way to the crap-hole, Jeremy dared to call a home… and they better pray God to help them cause she was beyond pissed… no… not pissed… irate…

"I know he's here so don't try to cover for him."

Her fuming expression said it all, the moment she got inside, that bad excuse for an apartment, to find the overly weighted Jeremy, oblivious to his surroundings, smoking pot on a long water pipe. She walked towards the interior looking for her boyfriend not even waiting for Jeremy's answer.

As she was walking through the hallway to get to the bedroom, she realized something was different. Nothing was different, everything was the same, but yet, still, something was different. And she stood there for a while. And then she knew. She knew exactly what was going to happen next. So she stood down the hallway, trying to prepare herself for what she was gonna see. When she got into the bedroom. She stepped on a woman's jacket. And everything she thought she knew… just shifted. Because the jacket, is a jacket that she recognized. And what she knew then is that when she went into that room, she was not just gonna see that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She was gonna see that her boyfriend was cheating on her with Lauren, who happened to be her best friend. It was just so pedestrian, common and dirty, and cruel. Mostly just cruel. She left, she turned around and without a word, she just left.

-

"Straight tequila, really? I don't think that's such a good idea Meredith."

"I think it's an excellent idea Joe. It's my day off, right now I'm not your employee, I'm a client just as any other, and I want tequila… so, make it a double…

Joe, a big man with kind eyes, poured her the drink looking at her eyes with worrisome.

"Today I earned the right to numb myself to oblivious, so keep 'em coming."

She started to rub her finger softly, in circles, on the top of her glass, with a lost look towards the content of the glass.

"Yunow… the strangest thing happened to me last week… there was this woman who thought I was her daughter… somebody stole her as a little girl, and well she's been looking for her for years… You know how they say everybody has a double somewhere in the world, well… as it turns out…"

She took the whole content of tequila in her glass and swallowed, feeling the burn sensation down her throat and put the glass on the table, waiting for Joe to poured another one, which he reluctantly did. Maybe she could burn some other things with tequila too, like that image on her head… an image that for some reason she just could not get rid off, and the hollow in her chest too, it would be great to erase all that, and not feel this pain.

"They showed me some pictures and drawings, and I'm telling you Joe… that was just… unbelievable… I thought… I thought I was looking at myself. I… I actually wished to be watching at myself… I actually felt tempted to tell the detective that it was me. That I was the girl they were looking for… Would it be too wrong to steal another's woman life. Just to go out there and have a glimpse of how my life would be if I had someone who really loved me…" Her voice broke with the last words, failing at trying to conceal her pain. "Would it be too wrong of me to want something like that for me?" She drank the whole content of the second tequila glass.

Joe gave her an empathetic look. "What happened?"

"I did the right thing… I told the truth… It's not me…"

"That's not what I'm talking about Meredith… What I mean is… what happened to you?"

"Oh! You know… the usual… my life sucks." She said as a few tears ran down her cheeks.

Joe dried off her tears with his thumb and looked at her with an understanding look. He obviously knew more that he showed. The joys and wonders of being a bartender, you hear things.

"You know what I think? I think you're better of with out him. You're too good for him, sweaty. You're too good for both of them"

"You knew?"

"I'm a bar tender, remember?" He made a long pause trying to find the right words to comfort her. "I agree with you…"

She looked at him in confusion.

"Today you earned you're right to numb yourself. So I tell you what… you can get as drunk as your body lets you, and you wont have to worry about anything. I'll take care of you, and I'll take you home at the end of the evening."

"Joe… I don't have a home anymore…"

"That's ok… I do have a home, with a very comfy couch in it… Walter won't mind."

She looked up at him and gave him a big smile. He poured another drink to her and kissed her on her forehead and smiled back to her, and then moved to the other side of the barstool to attend to some other clients.

Meredith kept staring at her drink, when she felt someone else presence beside her and saw with the corner of her eye he was about to seat on the booth beside her.

"Don't… even think about it… I'm not in the mood for that crap." She said firmly not even taking the trouble to turn and look at the intruder.

The man jumped in surprise and disappeared as fast as he showed up, leaving her with her own thoughts and her glass of tequila.

Across the room, a slender, masculine figure sitting down at a table looking dashing in his 'red shirt'. With raven curly hair and dreamy blue eyes. He was smiling… checking out at the very bossy girl sitting at the bar, who just ran off that guy. He took his index finger to the side of his face, looking at the beautiful green-eyed girl at the bar drinking tequila as if it was water.

-

**A/N About all those questions you guys seem to have, I think most of them will be answered as the next chapters come along. If by then you still have questions you can ask and I'll do my best to clarify them. What I can say about this is that I wanted to explore, how would Meredith's life turned out, if Ellis's suicide attempt would have been consummated. How would that difference, between life and death affected Meredith's path in life. And well the other stuff… you know I can't say anything about all that yet. **

**Thanks for all your lovely comments girls, they fill me with joy and happiness.**


	3. Nude

**A/N. The content of this chapter is not suitable for minors. **

**-**

**Don't get any big ideas**

**They're not gonna happen**

**You paint yourself white **

**And fill up noise **

**But there'll be something missing**

**Now that you've found it, it's gone **

**Now that you feel it, you don't **

**You've gone off the rails**

**Don't get any big ideas**

**They're not gonna happen**

**You'll go to Hell**

**For what your**

**Dirty mind is thinking**

** NUDE by Radiohead.**

**-**

There it was, right in front of him… Across the room… the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen in his life. Honey blond hair, sparkling emerald green eyes, a petite figure and the most adorable and breathtaking infectious giggle he ever heard.

His heart jumped every time she ran off of her sight, every guy who dared to hit on her. And she sure could hold a drink, quite incredible for such a little person, with all that tequila in her body she should be in the ladies room embraced to the toilet, with puke all over her slender figure, but instead she was still standing, rambling about how she was done with men. He couldn't help hearing the sad story about how her boyfriend, -currently ex-boyfriend, he hoped- cheated on her with her best friend a few hours ago. And for some unexplainable reason, he felt happy and glad that she didn't have a boyfriend anymore. He didn't have the displeasure to meet him, obviously she was too good for him.

_Oh Shit!! _How could that be possible? How could one sight at that little person, made him feel like that? This is certainly not the way this was supposed to happen. Maybe he's been punished for what he's done, not that he haven't pay, but still it wasn't enough.

He took a deep breath, and walked towards the bar, standing right next to her, trying to appear cool.

"How you doing?" Joe greeted him.

Derek smiles at him, and takes a seat right next to her. "Double scotch single malt please."

Joe started to pour the drink to him, with an amused expression. He was having quite a blast with the creative ways Meredith came up to ran off every guy who approached her.

"Either you're blind… stupid… ore you just arrived… which one is it?" Meredith said to him the minute she felt him taking a seat on the booth next to her, with her attention in her shoot of tequila.

"Excuse me?" He responded with a candid expression, as Joe gave him his drink.

"In case you haven't notice… whatever it is you're dirty mind is thinking… Nuhuh… It's not happening… so why don't you take my advice and…" She turned to him right in that moment, before finishing her sentence. "…Scram!!" She interrupted her train of thought, loosing her momentum, and forgot all the things she was about to say to the man seating next to her, the moment her eyes made contact with his, it was almost as if she was lost in the intensity of the blue orbs, staring back at her.

_Oh Crap! Not again… Get a hold of yourself Meredith… No more men, remember? The last time something like this happened to you, you ended up… well you ended up on a bar crying your sorrows cause he cheated on you with your best friend._

"How do you know what my dirty mind is thinking? I'm just a guy in a bar having a drink." He responded to her amusedly.

"Oh but I know you're thinking about the thing…" She rambled nervously, trying to avoid eye contact.

"The thing?"

"Yeah… the thing… you know, when you look at a girl across the bar, and then you approach her trying to play casual, and then you try to start a conversation, you invite her something to drink and then take her to your apartment by the end of the night? That kind of thing…"

"No I'm not… that's not what my dirty mind is thinking. I didn't spotted you across the bar… I'm not trying to play it casual… I'm not planning on buying you a drink, cause obviously you have had enough, maybe a glass of water will do you good… and I definitely have absolutely not intention of sleeping with you…"

"You're NOT!!" She mentally kicked herself, the moment she blurted that out, she sounded almost disappointed. _Seriously!! _

"Nope…"

"Good! Now that we cleared that up, you might want to move yourself to the next booth."

"Why?"

"Cause you said you weren't interested in the thing, so act like a not interested person and move over… You're invading my personal space."

"But I like this booth."

"The next booth is exactly the same as this one, go try it… you're gonna like it too."

"No I'm not… I already warmed this up… the other one will be to cold for my tush…"

She gave him a dirty look, and he responded with an amused expression.

"Ok… Ok… I'm moving…" He said while moving himself to the next booth, leaving an empty booth between them.

They both went back to their respective drinks trying to ignore each other for a few moments.

He turned to her from the other booth. "So… Is this a good place to hang out?"

She looked up at him and cleared her throat. "You see..? The thing…"

"That has nothing to do with the thing…" He responded sounding offended I'm just curious… First time here. I'm new in town. Never been to Boston. You're officially the first Boston girl I talk to." He went back to seat next to her, pushing the limits.

She gave him a surrendered look, obviously nothing she'd say would make this guy to desist. And honestly she wasn't sure she wanted him to.

"I'm on a family business trip… I'm here to take care of a few things, and if everything goes well… I'll be back to New York in no time… I'm a New Yorker by the way… genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan… Have you even been to New York?"

"No… I haven't…"

"I have a feeling you'll love it."

"What makes you think I want to go to New York?"

"Well… we never know… one minute we're here… and the next we are someplace else… that's the exciting part of life, besides I'm a great tourist guide. Actually I'm great at everything, but you're not interested in the thing, so…"

"Just so we are clear… I'm not having sex with you."

"Did I asked you to have sex with me?"

"I'm just saying…"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" They both looked at each other smiling.

_This is the worse idea in the history of bad ideas._

-

Two stumbling bodies came out of the elevator heating up the hallway touching each other… kissing each other urgently. They bumped against the wall, and he pinned with his body, while she tugged at his black curls, harshly. He licked, and bit, and nibbled, and sucked her swollen lips and tongue… taking in the taste of tequila in her mouth. Never in his life had he been so blindly and recklessly desperate to be with a woman. She circled his body putting up her right leg around him, holding her whole weight with the left, resting her heel bellow his ass, with the tip of her toes caressing his inner thighs, while pushing to the front her hips and smashed them against him, rubbing her body against him rhythmically, putting him on fire like a rocket, making his body respond in earnest.

He couldn't believe what this woman was doing to him. Were they really making out on the hallway of his hotel, right there, where anyone could see? They were supposed to walk a few more meters to get to his room, but he couldn't make himself to move away from such a delicious woman, moving against him so deliciously. And the worse part of it… He didn't give a damn. This was sooo wrong and yet it felt sooo good. And right now his rational self was absent, so he was just feeling… feeling things… sooo warm… so hot… so good…

He felt her tiny slender hand pulling down his zipper, as she introduced her hand inside his pants.

"Oh God!"

"You like that… uhh!"

"Hell yeah…! And you?"

"Definitely…" She responded suggestively, as she started massaging his steel manhood, sensuously, looking at his pained yet pleased expression through her eyelashes, as she kept rubbing and pulling and squeezing… Absolutely delicious, and he never wanted her to stop.

He heard someone near them clearing his throat. She turned to the man slowly, without a shade of embarrassment and looked at him wantonly. She took his hand and pulled at him walking softly across the hallway, he stopped when they reached his hotel room, making her stop too, waiting for him to open the door with his keycard.

**I'm the next act waiting in the wings**

**I'm an animal trapped in your hot car**

**I am all the days that you choose to ignore**

They got inside and she stood right there for a moment admiring the luxuriousness of the place. Not really able to conceal her awe, she'd never seen a place so elegantly decorated, but tried get herself out of her surprise as fast as she could not wanting to show her social unfitness.

She got on her knees in front of him, and finished her job, by pulling his pants and boxers down, exposing his huge erection right in front of her face. She looked at it in awe.

"Beautiful" She whispered as she got her face close to it, and started caressing his penis and testicles with her face, enjoying the softness of it with her cheeks and mouth, taking in the sweet scent. She opened her mouth, tempted to take a taste. She felt his hands pulling her up strongly, as he smashed his mouth against hers kissing her hard and wet.

"Make me forget… Make me feel good… please…" She said to him desperately between kisses, as she ripped her blouse open exposing her bare breasts to him.

**You're all I need**

**You're all I need**

**I'm in the middle of your picture**

**Lying in the reeds**

The softness and the plumpness of her breasts, felt so good against his touch. It didn't took long before his mouth was attracted to her upright nipples taunting him. He licked and sucked, and bite, and squished them desperately as he pushed with the force of his body against the door closing it with her back with the impulse, pinning her against the wood.

"Oh yeah! Like that…" she whispered, not even registering in the pain of her body as she slammed the door with her back and head.

**I am a moth who just wants to share your light**

**I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night**

**I only stick with you because there are no others**

He turned her roughly with her breasts and cheek against the door, and started rubbing his erect penis against her rounded little ass as if he were fucking her hard. The only thing separating his penis and his main target was the thin fabric of her jeans. He kept pounding against her ass as he pulled her hair with one hand exposing her throat for him to nibble, as he played with one of her nipples with the other.

"Mhmmm"

**You are all I need**

**You are all I need**

**I'm in the middle of your picture**

**Lying in the reeds**

As much as this voice inside was telling him over and over to stop, he didn't have the strength to stop, he just kept ignoring it until it was almost imperceptible. Instead, he snaked one of his hands to the front of her jeans and opened it desperately, with both hands he pulled her pants down in urgency, exposing her tiny thong and her soft cheeks. He couldn't hold it anymore so he ripped her panties roughly.

"Oh yeah! Fuck me hard like that. Take me away from here."

"We're gonna be sorry in the morning." He whispered, as he licked her earlobe.

"I'm always sorry in the morning."

And so he did it. He took a piece of the forbidden fruit. He would deal with the consequences in the morning.

**It's all wrong**

**It's all right**

**It's all wrong**

**ALL I NEED by Radiohead.**

-

She woke up the next morning with some burns and aches all over her body, she tried to register her surroundings slowly, until she realized she wasn't home, she turned around and realized she was alone in a huge and very comfortable bed, she spotted her clothes scattered on the floor.

"Oh no you didn't. What the hell is wrong with you?" She said to herself.

She got out of bed as fast as she could and got dressed in record time, and tiptoed her way to the exit door.

"Are you leaving so soon?"

She turned around in surprise as if she were just been surprised with her hand on the cookie jar. "Yeah… uhhh… I have… a thing…"

"A thing… huh…?"

"Not that kind of thing… another thing… kind of…"

"Right!"

"Look… Uhh… Uhm… Uhh…"

"Derek… Derek Shephard."

She waved her hand at him. "Look… Derek… I had a great time last night and all… and I…" she interrupted herself. "Did you just say Shepherd?"

"Uhhh… yeah! About that…" He started sheepishly. "Remember I told you I came here to Boston to take care of a thing?"

"Uhh kind off" She responded him with a terrified expression, not really sure she wanted to know. She was certain whatever it was it wasn't good. Since when, good things ever happened to her.

"Well, it's you… Meredith Grey."

"How do you know my name? I didn't…"

"I lied to you… I went into that bar looking for you…"

"Oh? Oh!"

"You might remember a certain detective who might have payed you a visit a few days ago?"

"Oh no! No… no… no… no… no… I don't wanna hear it… I don't wanna know… I'm out of here…" She walked towards the door as fast as her legs allowed her and left the room.

"Meredith! Wait!" He yelled back at her, running behind her.

-

**A/N. Ok so now I just have to… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… And for those thinking what I know you're thinking, I have a dirty mind but it's not that dirty. **

**More questions, I know, so seat back, enjoy the ride and be patient.**

**And yes… two Radiohead songs, just cause I couldn't make up my mind between the two. **

**I'm really, really pleased and happy for the response to this fic, thank you so much girls.**


	4. Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box

**After years of waiting nothing came**

**As your life flashed before your eyes**

**You realize**

**I'm a reasonable man**

**Get off, get off, get off my case**

**I'm a reasonable man**

**Get off my case**

**Get off my case**

**After years of waiting**

**After years of waiting nothing came**

**And you realize you're looking,**

**Looking in the wrong place**

**I'm a reasonable man**

**Get off my case **

**I'm a reasonable man**

**Get off my case **

**I'm a reasonable man**

**Get off my case **

**After years of waiting**

**You're a reasonable man**

**Get off our case **

**I'm a reasonable man,**

**Get off my case **

**I'm a reasonable man,**

**Get off my case **

**I'm a reasonable man,**

**Get off my case **

**-**

**PACKT LIKE SARDINES IN A CRUSHD TIN BOX by Ra****diohead.**

**-**

-

-

"_I'm sorry mam… I wish I had better news for you… It's not her! The girl. She's not your daughter."_

_A plain blank expression stared back at him. It was the face of an elegant but simple woman, dressed impeccably, with a modest amount of jewelry but, for a trained eye, the expensive kind. She was flanked by her son standing by her right side with a protective hand on her shoulder and one of her daughters sitting by her left, holding her hand._

_He paused for a second, trying to read the woman's expression, she looked at him intently, with an expressionless face. As a detective of the missing person division, detective Jones was used to give bad news to good people, usually he gave more bad news than good news, and he hated it. He was also used to see the crushed heartbreaking reactions, while he had to remain impartial and professional._

"_You're wrong." She said simply and with such conviction in her eyes. _

_He was very experienced with dealing with people in denial, he knew the kind of tricks the mind could play on someone who lived so desperate for so long, usually they tended to hold like mad people to whatever ray of hope appearing along the way, he know it was going to be hard to persuade this woman to accept the truth. _

"_Mam… listen to me… It is not her."_

"_That's impossible… Did you talk to her?"_

"_I did… I explained everything to her. She doesn't remember any of it… she doesn't know you. And Ms. Grey is absolutely sure she's biologically linked to her own mother and father. Dr. Grey was a respected surgeon with no reason whatsoever to have had steal another woman's child, we also made contact with Seattle police and we got the hospital file from when Dr. Grey gave birth to Ms. Meredith Grey and there are plenty of witnesses that can corroborate that. We contacted her father too and he confirms it all, he has pictures, medical files…"_

"_No… I do not accept that…" She said standing up to him, with a frightening determination. "She is my daughter. I know it, every fiber of my being yells it at me, and I don't care about hospital files or witnesses, there could be lots of explanations for that, and quite frankly I'm exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to find that explanation myself, that is your job. I don't care how she ended up being with a world wide renown surgeon as a mother, or if either this woman stole her herself, found her wandering on the streets and took her in, or someone gave my child to her, all I care about is that after 22 years I finally have found my daughter. I appreciate what you've done for us, but I think your job is done here, all I wanted from the Boston police was for them to put an address and a name for the girl on the picture, my daughter, and you already did that. I assure you we will always be grateful with you for that, now if you excuse me…"_

"_Mam… it's not that simple, there's more…"_

"_Derek, dear… would you be so kind to walk detective Jones to the door?"_

"_Mrs. Shepherd… please, you have to hear me out…"_

"_Come with me detective… she's really tired, it's been a long road… let's not alter her, we can talk outside." Derek said to him as lifted his arm showing detective Jones the way towards the exit." _

_He agreed knowing that it would probably be better to talk to his son, who might be a more rational recipient to all the info he had to show on the file underneath his arm, to prove his case. He could not leave this place without making absolutely sure, they know the truth, sustained by physical and scientific evidence. While he was following Dr. Derek Shepherd to the exit door, he could hear behind the door that was just shot behind him, how Mrs. Shepherd crumbled to pieces with her daughter. He could hear Elizabeth Shepherd talking with desperation to her daughter through the door. _

"_He's wrong… He's wrong… Kathleen. She's your sister. A mother's heart always knows. She's our little Marie. Of course she doesn't remember anything. She was a baby when it happened."_

_They walked through the threshold of the hotel room door and got to the hallway, outside the room._

"_I'm sorry we have to have this conversation out here, but she's very fragile right now." Derek explained to detective Jones as he closed the door behind him, to keep this conversation as far away from his mother as possible._

"_Dr. Shepherd. I'm gonna be straight with you. I have a DNA test, I ran it twice. Not that I don't trust the first result, I did it more for your mother's sake. It was negative, both of them. The girl… She's not who you're looking for."_

_Detective handled the file to Derek, who opened it and stared at the DNA results with a constrain expression, regardless his attempts, the honesty of his eyes weren't as successful at trying to hide his pain._

"_I understand your disappointment, but I can't let her keep thinking this girl is her daughter, I have to protect Miss Grey's privacy too. If she needs to have an appointment with her I can arrange one, maybe looking at her in person can help her convince her of the truth, maybe if she hears it from Miss Grey, herself." _

"_It wont be necessary detective. I'll take care of it. Thank you for everything." He said shaking detective's Jones hand. "May I." He said showing up the file in his hands._

"_Of course, I brought that copy for you. It's all there. Medical files, pictures, everything… So… I can put this to rest?" He said slowly. "Can I go, knowing you'll talk to your mother? It's protocol to make sure we clear things out with the family. The last thing we want is a call from Miss Gray, claming she's being stalked. Can I trust you'll make sure your mother accepts the facts? Are you responsible for her?" _

"_I am… Don't you worry about it… I'll take care of it…"_

"_Ok then…" He shook Derek's hand. "I really hope you find what you're looking for soon. I lost someone too… so... I wish you luck." _

"_Thank you, but you and I know she's dead. She's dead and buried in a ditch somewhere. You know the probabilities, you have the statistics. That's what you do for a living."_

"_Yeah… I do… But hope, doesn't figure in any statistic, and even though in most cases, the scenario you just described becomes a reality for lots of families, there is also the very rare, very astounding and unbelievable case where miraculously, the missing person appears. And that's the most wonderful thing about hope, as long as they don't show you a body, you can keep hoping. That's what kept your mother alive through out all this years."_

_Derek looked at the detective walking away through the hallway as he stood immobile outside the room. He felt as if a huge weight was clinging on his right hand, coming from the content of file he was holding. He took a deep breath trying to figure out what to do, or how to do it. He couldn't be the one breaking his mother heart like that, again. He couldn't even bear the thought of it. _

_He got inside again and put the file inside a drawer, perhaps he should wait till tomorrow, today had been a very stressful day and he wanted his mother to rest a little, or perhaps he just wanted her to enjoy the idea of her lost sister for one more day, but he couldn't do this right now, not today. And he found himself actually wondering if he could do it at all. _

_He went back to his mother and sister, finding in front of his eyes a heartbreaking scene. His mother crying desperately, asking his sister Kathleen, to take her see her. When she realized Derek walked in she ran to him and clutched to his shirt._

"_Derek… we have to go to her right now… we have to bring her home with us… we have to help her remember… please Derek…. I don't understand why we keep waiting. Please… Please… My baby…"_

"_Listen… mommy…" Kathleen said pulling Elizabeth gently away from Derek, and walked to the nearest couch sitting beside her. "If she doesn't remember us, she might get very upset. You said it yourself, she was very little when they took her from us, she grew up thinking someone else was her mother, and then lost her in a terrible way. She's gonna need time, we can't barge into her life like that, we need a slow and gentle approach, don't we… Derek?" Kathleen looked up at her brother looking for reassurance. _

_He seemed to be deep in thought almost as if he had been holding the weight of the world on his shoulders._

"_Derek!"_

"_Umm yeah… yeah… Maybe you should go back home, and I can stay here, and I'll… I'll figure something out…."_

"_Oh… Derek… please… promise me… promise me you'll bring her back to me… promise me sweetheart… You need to get your baby sister back home."_

_Deep pain reflected in his eyes, the conflict in his brain was maddening, he wanted this to end, he wanted this to be over, all his life, all his memories as a young boy, as an adolescent and as an adult, have been determined by the absence of his little sister. He felt so lost, his heart was so filled with confusion and pain, and he wanted it to just stop, to stop it all once and for all, because deep down he knew the truth, their little Marie was dead, and there was not way his mother would ever accept that… He needed to make it right for her, he need it to give her some comfort. _

"_I promise… I'll bring her home, back to your arms… I promise mom."_

_He needed an out, he needed to run out of the room as fast as he could, perhaps he feared that if his mother or Kathleen scrutinized his face for a few more seconds, they would be able to read the truth in it, so he got out of the room, took the file with him and ran through the hotel hallway. _

_After a while of wandering on the streets, a mess of mixed thoughts speeding up through his mind. He reached a trashcan on an alley and threw the file in it as he set it on fire. No one could ever know the truth, he would take it to his own tomb if necessary… and now… now he had to figure out how to keep his promise._

_-_

_-_

_-_

_He walked into that bar, with only one thought in his mind. He had no idea how to do it or what he was going to say to her once he encountered her. All he knew is that the sanity of his whole family depended on it, and he was not going to mess this up, not again. He had a mission to comply, and a promise to keep. _

_He found himself a table at the back of the bar, one that offered a good view to the barstool. He dressed in black pants and a red shirt, he figured that if he was going into a bar, he might as well try to blend in… keep it cool… keep it casual. As if he were just a guy in a bar. _

_He spun his head around looking for her. His heart jolted the moment he spotted at her, there was no doubt, it was her… right there sitting on a booth on the bar stool, there she was. A tiny body frame, blonde her, she looked so… so adorable._

_He chuckled to himself, as he looked at her mesmerized by her beauty and bossiness, when she ran off a guy trying to seat next to her. Her presence was hypnotizing to him. _

_Never in his wildest dreams he expected to encounter that. He walked into this bar with only one thing in his mind, and somehow a strange force was pulling his resolve. _

_He came in looking for one thing… and he found another… Never in his wildest dreams he expected something like this…_

-

_-_

-

**A/N. Uhhhh In case you haven't notice, the whole thing was a flash back that ended right in the moment when Derek walked into the bar. Ok so, I'm hoping most of your questions have been answered, at least the main ones. **


	5. Planet Telex

**You can force it but it will not come**

**You can taste it but it will not form**

**You can crush it but it's always here**

**You can crush it but it's always near**

**Chasing you home saying**

**Everything is broken**

**Everyone is broken**

**You can force it but it will stay stung**

**You can crush it as dry as a bone**

**You can walk it home straight from school**

**You can kiss it, you can break all the rules**

**But still...**

**Everything is broken**

**Everyone is broken**

**Everyone is, everyone is broken**

**Everyone is, everything is broken**

**Why can't you forget?**

**Why can't you forget?**

**Why can't you forget?**

**PLANET TELEX by Radiohead.**

-

-

-

-

"Meredith! Please! Wait"

He ran behind her across the hotel lobby. He needed to make this right to Meredith, she was obviously in freak out mode walking furiously towards the exit.

"Oh God!! You're her son… aren't you? Oh God! I'm gonna be sick."

"Please, You've got to listen to me."

"No! Quit Following me"

"Please! You've got to let me explain."

She turned around furiously and faced him stopping him with her body. "You know when you should've explain? Before any of the rest of it…"

She turned again and kept walking as fast as she could, trying to get away from her follower.

Derek was able to catch up with her and stopped her with his body as he take her from her arms to make her look at him.

"Stop! Just Stop!"

"Oh God! I'm an incestuous dirty whore." She said terrified to herself.

He chuckled in amusement, and looked at her as he tilted his head, searching for her eyes. "Last I checked you said, you weren't biologically related to us, you said that to detective Jones. He said you were absolutely sure of that."

"Yes! But you're not suppose to be aware of that. What are you? An incestuous little prev?"

For some strange reason he found her extremely adorable, which was not a good thing considering the situation, but he couldn't help but keep smiling at her.

"What do you know that I don't?" She said to him in annoyance.

"You're not my sister Meredith. The DNA came back negative."

"I'm not?"

"You sound disappointed"

"Of course I'm not. It's just…."

Was it possible? Deep in thought Meredith searched for a word to explain her feelings. Was it surprise, indifference, sadness for that woman and her unrewarded search? Was she really… disappointed? She was disappointed. She had to admit that a tiny part of her wanted to think that maybe… maybe for an unexplained reason, she was this lost girl who ended up in a place she didn't belong. At least that would've explain a lot of things.

"It's just… It would've been nice…"

"What?"

"Nothing… So… Now that we are clear on the DNA thing. What do you want? You said you came into the bar looking for me."

"Yeah… well. I need to talk to you."

"Oh! Were you planning on sleeping with me too, besides the talking? Cause all I can remember is a lot of screwing and not too much talking…"

"Yeah… that was… unexpected. I was drunk and you took advantage." He said in a playful tone.

"I did not! I was the one who was drunk."

"Well we were both drunk and somebody took advantage… Don't get me wrong… I'm not complaining… In fact you can take advantage anytime."

She glared at him with murder in her eyes.

"Anyway… I do need to talk to you. It's important."

"I can't talk right now. I'm late for work." She said as she kept walking down the street.

"Ok let me drive you, and I'll wait until you finish you're shift at the bar." He said blocking her again with his body.

"Please!" How could she ever resist those eyes, she tried the night before and failed completely. .

-

-

-

-

The loud thump of a glass resounded in top of the table, followed by Meredith sitting at the table with Derek. He took the glass with the liquid transparent content and took it to his mouth, and swallowed a large portion of the content.

"What the hell is this?" He said disgusted.

"Water."

He looked at her in confusion.

"I think you drank enough, water is what you need if you don't want to end up with "someone" taking advantage. You said you wanted to talk, so… spill."

"Why can you have a bear and I'm not." He said like a small kid pointing at the bear bottle Meredith had in her hands.

"Because I just had a very long shift and I deserve it."

"Right!" He said with a grumpy voice.

After a few seconds and after taking a sip of her bear, she looked at him with an inquiring expression… Obviously she was expecting for him to talk. At least that's what he said he wanted to do. So… He needed to start talking and he realized there was no way around it, so he just blurted it out.

"I want you to come with me to New York!"

"Excuse Me?"

"My mom… she… she's having troubles accepting the truth and…"

"What about the DNA test?"

"I didn't showed it to her."

"Why?"

"I… I couldn't do it… I…"

"So what are you saying?" She scrutinized his expression.

"I…" He couldn't stand her interrogating eyes, so he looked down.

She didn't needed too much to figure it out, his whole expression was enough for her. She could read him like a book. That was strange, considering she just met him 48 hours ago. "Wait a second… are you? Are you asking me to…"

He looked at her, confirming her suspicions with his surrendered expression.

"Hell no!! Absolutely not…"

"Listen to me. This is important. The sanity of my whole family depends on it."

"It's a lie."

"No it's not."

"What are you talking about Derek? Asking me to go to New York and stand in front of your mother and pretend I'm someone I'm not… is dishonest… It is a lie. And I won't do it."

"No you don't understand. You won't have to lie, you can be yourself, you can even go there and tell her it is not you… It wouldn't matter. She believes it's you, telling her she's wrong won't make any difference. The only thing she knows, is that she found her daughter and she wants her back home."

"Yeah… well all that will change if you show her the DNA test. There can't be any possible argument against the DNA."

"I don't have it anymore."

"What do you mean you don't have it anymore?"

"I destroyed it."

"What?"

"I just couldn't do it… I can NOT do that to her."

"Why?"

He just looked down with a pained expression, as if he was hiding something, as if he was ashamed.

"You know what… You need to start being honest with me." She was starting to loose her patience.

"It was my fault…" He finally confessed. "I lost her… I lost my little sister. I was a teenage boy and there was this girl, Lucy. And I was in love –at least I though I was- and some of my classmates were meeting at the mall that day, and she was gonna be there with her friends, but Tommy Higgins, the most popular kid was… I heard he was going to ask her out that day. And the thing is that my mom didn't let me go to the mall because she was going out for some coffee with some friends, and I was the designated nanny to stay at home with my baby sister."

He cleared his throat trying to keep his emotions at bay.

"So I was pissed, I was pissed at my mom and at little Marie, cause now Tommy was going to make a move on Lucy, before I could. So I decided to go to the mall anyways and I took little Marie with me, mom would never have to know –I thought. So there I was watching at Lucy, at the distance, having a soda with her friends, and I was trying to gain some courage to go over there and talk to her and ask her out or something, before Tommy did, and… it was just a second… just one second, that I dropped her hand… and I was distracted for a second looking at Lucy and then… when I looked back. She wasn't there… A second before she was right beside me, and a second later she was gone…"

His narration was really getting to her, despite her own wishes her eyes started to water. She wanted to cross the table and surround him with her arms, to give him some comfort. He seemed like this vulnerable teenage boy, and he was so broken.

"My mother… She… I think a big part of her heart was lost that day… She never was the same…and I did that to her." He said with a broken voice. The nod in his throat nearly let him speak.

"Look..." She took one of his hands in hers -that was as much physical contact as she would allowed herself- she really wanted to comfort him.

"I'm really sorry… I am… And I can see your point, and I wish there could be something I could do to help you but… what you're asking me to do… No matter how you want to call it, it's a lie… and I can't do it. I'm sorry but I can't." She said with caution and empathy to this broken man in front of her.

"I'll give you anything… anything you want… money… clothes… an apartment… you name it. I heard you tried to get into med school but you couldn't pay for it. I'll pay for your tuition." He exploded in his desperation and he begged... he begged at her like a starved homeless in search for some nourishment and a warm roof.

"Ok you know what? I've heard enough… Don't come here again or I'll call the police." She stood in indignation, and walked towards the exit of the bar with her jacket in hand.

He ran behind her, smacking himself mentally for his stupidity.

"Ok that was the wrong approach… I apologize… Obviously I made you upset. Please forgive me I didn't mean to disrespect you. It's just that I'm desperate… Please!!" He said as he followed her to the exit and through the parking lot to her old Jeep.

"Leave me alone…"

She got to her blue old Jeep and opened the door to get inside. The car was filled with clothes and shoes, and diverse objects, like a lamp and a TV. The whole inside of the car was a mess.

"No please… wait! Meredith! She's dying…"

She stopped on her tracks and stood right there with her back to him. That last phrase got her attention.

"My mom… she… she has a brain tumor, no one knows about it, just me. She made me promise I wouldn't tell. She refused the surgery cause we are not sure we can get it all."

She seemed indecisive. There was a side of her who cared about people, and no matter how much she wanted to jump into her car and drive away, she couldn't do it. "What do you mean we?"

"Me and the other doctors… I'm a Neurosurgeon."

"Oh!"

"She needs to want to live… She needs to want the surgery otherwise we'll loose her. And I know it's not your problem, and you don't know her but… we can't loose her. I can't loose her."

"What if she has the surgery and she dies anyway."

"Well… at least she'll go thinking that her most precious possession returned to her. I owe her that much."

"Meredith!! What the hell?"

Meredith and Derek turned to discover at a very drunk Mat walking towards them. His pace was unstable and his tongue was imprecise. She knew what to expect of him, her feared expression said it all, she knew Mat was a dangerous man when he drank.

"Mat!!"

"And here I was thinking how to make it up to you, and you are, all cuddly with this dude. I should've suspected it. Once a whore, always a whore." He said with venom in his words.

"Excuse Me?" Derek reacted defensevly putting Meredith behind his body.

"Listen Pal. This is none of your busyness… I'm talking to my woman. I hope you had fun with her, she's wild in bed isn't her?" He said coming closer to them.

"That's it… I'm not going to take this." Derek turned to Meredith, and out of the blue he punched Mat in the jaw with precision knocking him out on the floor.

"Derek!!"

"Ouch!" He said grabing his hand and looking down at an unconscious Mat at the floor.

"Oh Crap! This is not good…"

"Listen to me Meredith…" Derek grabbed her by the arms forcing her to pay attention to him. This was his chance to make a point. "You don't want this… You don't want to go to bed with a guy like this each night… A guy with no respect for you, who cheats on you at any chance he has, and only God knows what else he does to you." She looked down ashamed, as if she had been discovered stealing a dollar bill.

"You don't want to work in this filthy bar filled with drunk guys trying fill you up for the rest of your life… This is not you… There is more to life than this and you know it… You want to go to med school… Don't you? You want to learn things… See things… You want the world."

"You don't know me… You don't know anything about me."

"Oh!! But I do… I've been looking for you for 22 years, remember… and I know all there is to know about you… Meredith Grey… Come with me. There's nothing for you here anymore… You don't even have a home…" He said making reference to all her stuff inside her Jeep. "A safe place to go to… You can't go back to this guy… Come with me, let me show you all the things this life has reserved for you… Let me give you what you deserve. Let me take you where you'll be adored and respected."

-

-

_Would it be too wrong to steal another's woman life. Just to go out there and have a glimpse of how my life would be if I had someone who really loved me…Would it be too wrong of me to want something like that for me?_

-

-

-

-

**A/N. Jesus freaking Christ!! Crying again… What the hell is wrong with me?**


	6. Talk Show Host

**I want to **

**I want to be someone else or I'll explode**

**Floating upon the surface **

**For the birds, the birds, the birds**

**You want me **

**Fucking well come and find me **

**I'll be waiting**

**With a gun and a pack of sandwiches **

**And nothing, and nothing, and nothing… nothing**

**You want me**

**Well come on and break the door down**

******You want me**

**Fucking come on and break the door down**

**I'm ready… I'm ready… I'm ready… **

**-**

**-**

**TALK SHOW HOST by Radiohead.**

-

-

-

-

"There's this person in my head, she's brilliant, capable, she the kind of person every one wants to be around, cause there's kindness in her, and people respond to that."

"She has the most earnest and full, smile you can ever find in a person, and when you look at her, you know that in that moment, you are the most important person in her world. She's a good listener, a good friend, loyal and caring. She's always surrounded by good people, people who help her grow and learn, as much as she does the same for them… people who love her and care about her, people like her."

"She has a sense of fairness, an understanding and respect for other people, she's wise enough to respect the differences, and appreciate everyone else because of it, she would never dare to judge another human being, for circumstances out of his control, other than his own actions."

"She's the kind of girl who faced the worse, who suffered the unimaginable, she'd been in the gutters and seen the worse of people and still, she came out of it stronger… wiser… and with a clean heart. She doesn't pity herself for the curves life has thrown to her."

"She doesn't blame herself for the decisions of others, no matter how wrong or painful they were. She never tortures herself for being too late at calling an ambulance for her bleeding out mother, or the fact her father choose his other family over her. She understands they were her parent's choices and she respects them, even if she doesn't agree, even if those choices harmed her. Cause she's wise enough, and humble enough to realize, only her mother knew about her own pain, only her father knows why he choose the way he did, and all she can do about it, is deal with her own pain the only way she knows how."

"She knows it'll be OK, she counts on it, and knows it for a fact… she'll always be Ok… cause she has a fundamental knowledge… '_we are here to grow… we are here to learn. And pain is the only path to accomplish that.' _Her pain, makes her incredibly strong, she takes her pain in, she values it, she embraces it and she experiences it as it is… She doesn't avoid it, or push it away… She's strong girl, stronger than anyone you know, she doesn't drink her sorrows, or numb them away with comforting acts… She takes her pain in as the warrior she is, and lets it be cause she knows, somewhere in the middle of this darkness, there is a path that leads to the other way, that leads to light. And once she comes out of it, once she suffered her pain and experience it, she'll turn out on the other side with a gain, with one more thing learned, one more step of the ladder climbed. This girl, she's dignified enough to come out of it with out bitterness or grudges."

"This girl… she loves herself, she values who she is and treasures every single step of her path. She knows she wouldn't be her if it weren't for her history. She respects herself enough, to never put herself under a destructive and demeaning relationship. She's better than that. She doesn't go around searching in others what she lacks, and never puts her own happiness in the hands of others. For that she's responsible herself, she makes her own decisions, she's in control, she has the strength…"

"She's a true hero too, she can do chest tubes and craniotomies, she can run a code without freaking out, she has every knowledge there is to know about the human body… she's a great surgeon, always in control, always with the right answer… But she anit' in it for the glory, she's in it for the majesty of life saving… for the greatness of doing good instead of wrong…"

"She's loved… she's respected… she's admired…"

"This girl… she's me… only so much better… She's the hypothetical me… She's the me I've never been courageous enough to be…"

Her eyes glued to the glass of the car parked on a dark street, the sounds of the night echoing around them, meters away from an unknown house to her, but yet full of promise. She didn't quite realize when exactly did Derek park the car, near the place she could only assume, was their final destination. It looked like it, it seemed cozy and homey enough to be it.

There it was a majestic white house, with blue-framed widows. There was a tire-swing on the porch, hung on a mighty and ancient oak, like another family member, a witness of so many childhood stories and family sorrows. Nourished with kids games and songs.

"I think there is more of the real you, in that description, than you realize Meredith."

Derek looked at her with most adoration and reverence. He'd been quietly and insightfully listened to her, along their way to his mother's house in Connecticut. The whole car-ride, he heard her nervous rambling for company. He liked it. It made for an enjoyable highway trip.

Why was this moment being so difficult. Why did he felt like a nod on his throat, ready to explode. Why was he finding himself, wishing he could stay inside this car forever. He knew now, and he knew then. His heart, it now belonged to her, it found home. So he wanted to relish this moment, take in of it as much as he could, it might be the last. All he wanted was to give his mother some comfort, never expected to fall so soon, so deep. And now there was not a turning point.

"You Think." She answered with a huge, bright smile, he haven't seen since two night ago, when they made love at his hotel room.

"I know."

"So this is it?" She asked nervously, looking at he hugeness of the house ahead of them.

"Yeah!"

"Should we… go inside." She fidgeted her hands and bite her lower lip nervously.

"Only when you're ready."

"Ok!..." She paused long, and fretfully. Deep in thought, searching for some sense of rightness for her impending actions. "I'm not making any promises."

"I Know…"

"And I'm not lying."

"I understand…"

"It will be just a few days, so you better explain that to her."

"Ok. But…"

"What?"

"I'm not asking you to lie, but… I'll really appreciate if you could keep some information for yourself… only until we can convince her to have the surgery."

"I'll do what I can, but still… Not promises."

He observed her longingly, already missing her, every trade of her. He was grateful he managed to convince her to at least come and meet his mom. The rest… He could figure out.

"Tell me something else"

She looked at him inquiringly, with confusion written all over.

"About yourself. Tell me more about your dad."

"Nothing much to tell… He disappeared when my mom and him divorced. We went to live Boston. He never called, never wrote. When my mom died, they send me to live with him again. But, I didn't fit there, never felt at home. It was like, there was him and his new family, and there was me… So I ran away… the police send me back a few times, but when they realized I kept running, they gave up and put me on a foster home. I think I lived in 7 different foster homes. He never really wanted me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be… I'm not."

"For what it's worth… I think you deserve the world… And you are much more closer to that girl in your head, than you think… should give yourself some credit."

The look in their eyes was filled with something they couldn't quite understand. But it felt heavy, like a pressing force in their chests. It felt as if they were on the brim to resign to something they never really got the chance to know or taste. It felt like mourning… Mourning to something they never really have. Their watery eyes and torn expressions said it all. How can someone care so much for a person you just met, how can the bond between them, could grew so strong overnight. He felt he could depend on her, and trust her, he felt he could talk to her about anything.

"I think we should get inside now." She said avoiding his gaze.

"Ok."

He put his car on ignition, and ride the few meters ahead of them, and got the car into the parking lot of the house. Announcing with the sound of the car engine, his presence. It was a full house, he knew. Familiar vehicles were parked outside too.

Derek walked out of the car slowly, noticing the peeking eyes behind the curtains of the house windows. He opened Meredith's door and helped her out of the car and walked beside her, with his hand on her back, as a reassuring gesture. Or perhaps he just needed an excuse to touch her and reassure himself by it. They were coming up the few steps on the stair leading to the entrance door. A wide wooden door with, a dark color, opened in front of her, not even waiting for them to knock the door.

Standing beneath the threshold, finding refuge in the solid wood the door provided. Elizabeth Shephard, looked ahead, at a sight she longed for so long, with a tear stained face. Behind her, inside the house… there were a numerous amount of family members, standing expectant to such a big and yearned for, moment. There was too big of emotions flowing inside, and she was not about to hide them or pretend they weren't there. So she cried, she cried of happiness and gratefulness.

She gave a few steps ahead, cautiously. With her eyes fixed on the beautiful girl ahead of her and stopped inches in front of her, looking at her, admiring her presence, her beauty. Trying to take in all about her. She lifted her right hand and touched Meredith's face softly, her eyebrows, her nose, her cheeks… as to having a physical evidence, that the sight in front of her, was not a figment of her imagination. She was so beautiful!

"My baby!!" Elizabeth whimpered and suddenly embraced her strongly. Putting into that embrace all the love, all the happiness she was feeling to hold her, to touch her.

All the members of that family, had tears in their eyes, as they witnessed the moving scene.

"My little Marie!!"

"Meredith!" She said pulling back. "My name is Meredith."

"Of course… Meredith. " Elizabeth answered trying not to sound too disappointed. It was just a name, the important thing was that her daughter was back home.

"She's really tired… We've been on the road for hours. Kathleen… why don't you show Meredith her room, so she can have some rest and clean herself up. And we'll leave the introductions for later, when diner is ready." Derek said defensively, noticing Meredith's tension.

"Of course." Kathleen, the eldest sister, replied from her spot. "Come with me Meredith." She said extending her hand to Meredith, in a welcoming gesture.

"You're room is exactly how you left it… you're sisters wanted to redecorate it, but I told them to let you decide the changes you wanted to make to it." Elizabeth said to Meredith with teary eyes, as she held Meredith hands warmly.

"Thanks." Was all, Meredith could reply. She wished she could be more friendly, more open, warmer… She didn't want to hurt at the really nice and motherly lady in front of her, but she just couldn't. A whole life of lacking a family, had a high price. She didn't do families nor she knew how to behave around them. Should she kiss her back… hold her back… smile back to her? All she could do was a plain 'Thanks.'

Meredith started walking behind Kathleen, leading the way upstairs. She looked down shyly trying to avoid the scrutinizing eyes, following her every move like hawks. Elizabeth was about to follow behind them, but Derek sopped her holding her arm gently.

"What is it Derek? I just want to make sure she's comfortable."

"I'm sure Kathleen can see to that. We need to talk first."

"Ok" She answered.

"I guess I should've warned you with a phone call, but I wanted to tell you in person.

"Ok" Elizabeth looked at him, expectantly along with the other family members. His sisters, Nancy and Beth. His brothers in law, his nieces and nephews. All of them, looking at him. Expecting for him to talk.

"She only agreed to come to meet you for a few days, she doesn't accept any of it. She doesn't think she's Marie."

"It's ok dear…" Elizabeth said to Derek patting him on the shoulder amorously. "The fact that she's here says a lot. It means something is compelling her to be here. She's here… and that's all that matters. We'll solve each problem as it presents itself."

"Maybe we can run a DNA test, that way we can convince her." Nancy said to all of them.

"No… No... I tried, but she refused." Derek said quickly, trying to get rid of that subject as fast as possible.

"Nobody will force anything on her, she doesn't want to do." Elizabeth said to her daughter.

"I think we need to be gentle with her, and patient. We don't want to push her away, and send her running. She's confused, and doesn't really understand what happens…" She paused a bit and turned to Derek "It's Ok… It's ok my son… The only thing that matters here… The only thing I care about, is that for the first time in 22 years all my family is reunited under the same roof. And I'm grateful for that… My boy…" She said lovingly, running her hand through his hair. "You did good… Now you can rest, my son. Our search is over… From now on, everything ahead of us is happiness…"

He listened to his mother trying to repress the dam trying to burst at any minute.

"Now, if you all excuse me I'll go make sure my baby girl is comfortable… Why don't you boys help Derek go get her luggage out of the trunk."

Elizabeth climbed the stairs up, she couldn't wait to be with her daughter and pamper her, and hold her, and love her. And give her all the things she couldn't give her all this years.

Derek watched his mother walked away, trying to convince himself this was the right thing to do, the only, the only solution. He managed to convince her to come, now he had to convince her to stay. And fortunately, he wasn't the only one searching that purpose. This was good, this was the right thing to do.

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_Then why was he feeling so sad? So lonely… So void… _

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**A/N. I'm back at school next week guys, so this is the last update before I go back. Updates once I'm at school, won't be as often, but I'll try to make time for them. I don't want you to wait too much between updates. But you know how it is. **


	7. Nice Dream

**They love me like I was a brother **

**They protect me, listen to me **

**They dug me my very own garden**

**Gave me sunshine, made me happy**

**Nice dream, nice dream  **

**Nice dream**

**I call up my friend, the good angel **

**But she's out with her answer-phone **

**She says that she'd love to come help but**

**The sea would electrocute us all**

**Nice dream, nice dream**

**Nice dream, nice dream**

**Nice dream, nice dream **

**Nice dream**

**If you think that you're strong enough **

**If you think you belong enough**

**If you think that you're strong enough**

**If you think you belong enough**

**Just as well Just as well Just as well**

**Nice dream, nice dream**

**Nice dream, nice dream. **

**-**

**-**

**NICE DREAM by Radiohead. **

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_Oh Crap!_

_This is… this is… there is not even a word for it… this is… soooo freaking wrong. What the hell are you doing, Meredith?_

She ran inside her bedroom and closed the door behind her, leaning her back against the door trying to control her heavy breath. She was so nervous, she felt like the biggest fraud in the history of filthy and deceiving people, all she could think about, was how nice and loving all the people down stairs were to her. She was going to rot in hell for sure.

The woman, Elizabeth, she was the sweetest lady she'd ever met in her life. The whole night, through dinner, she kept feeding her all kinds of delicious delicacies, as if she thought she'd been malnourished, or something. She looked at her with such love, adoration and happiness to have her amongst that huge family of hers. If was almost unbearable for Meredith to look at her in the eyes.

Apparently she was not the only one, every time she looked up to Derek, at the other side of the table, for some reassurance he had his eyes glued to his plate.

Every single member of that family had a smile for her and a welcoming attitude.

Kathleen the eldest of the sisters, she seemed to be in her late thirties, she was a very good looking woman, with a beautiful long black hair, and bright blue eyes, the psychiatrist of the family, someone told her. It was not surprise to Meredith, cause she had a calm and understanding quality in her. She was the one who showed Meredith, Marie's old bedroom and gave her a small tour upstairs, she was warm and friendly with her and gave her an unexpected hug the moment she was about to leave her alone in her room to clean herself up. It felt nice.

Then there was Beth, she was the one who snooped her head inside her room, and brought her downstairs for dinner. Not without showing a spunky, talkative and fun personality. She had honey blond hair and green eyes. Meredith had to admit the both of them looked very alike, like… well… like sisters. Beth was the youngest; well… she was now, without Marie. She seemed to be in her late twenties, maybe her early thirties; she was beautiful inside and out, and extremely friendly. She treated her as a part of the family, as if they'd known each other their whole life, and Meredith was just returning from a short trip. Most of the detailed info about this family, she got it from Beth. Meredith couldn't believe a person could say that amount of words in such a short time. Beth was the rebel of the family, the one who went against the current and said "NO" to the family tradition of becoming a doctor and choose to be an artist. She lives in Manhattan on her study where she works on her paintings. She's the unmarried sister, the free spirit.

Once on the table she got to meet the rest of the family. Nancy, she's younger than Kathleen but older than Derek, she seemed like the most stern of the bunch, but not in a bad way, every time Meredith made eye contact with her, she welcomed her with a soft and discreet smile. She was the only one of the family who didn't smothered her with hugs and kisses and old stories to share with her, she just observed her gently across the room, and smiled at her warmly. Beth told her she's and OBGYN, and lives in Connecticut just as Kathleen, and Momma Shepard.

Bryan, Nancy's husband, a nice guy with blond hair, kept trying the whole night to sell the other guys some real-state. Meredith didn't had to work hard on that one, it was obvious for her what the guy did for a living. He kept discussing politics and football with Aaron, Kathleen's husband, a nice guy also, but calmer, gentler.

Then there were a bunch of kids running around who's names was too hard to remember. All she knew was that five of them belong to Kathleen, who had identical twin girls on her first pregnancy, and on her second she had triplets, non identical, but all of them girls. Yeah! The woman was 'blessed' with an army of noisy girls. One of them, she couldn't tell which, cause for Merdith the five of them looked exactly the same, kept staring at her through the whole diner. Didn't her mother taught her not to stare at people cause. That's just rude!

Oh but lets not forget, the other bunch… Nancy's bunch, one big girl, three younger brothers. And two of them, were twins, the youngest ones. What's with this family and multiple pregnancies? Makes one fear for the ones who attempt to reproduce with them. Meredith felt sorry for the eldest sister she seemed like a very girly girl, in the middle of three tornados.

By the middle of the night, a new family addition showed up. Dr. Mark Sloan, a plastic surgeon. He seemed the same age as Derek 35 or 36. Apparently he's the adopted stupid child. The ass kept hitting on her the whole night. Does he have no respect? Seriously! Although Meredith had to acknowledge, he was very hot… very steamy.

The whole evening was perfect, filled with laughter and love, and family memories. She could almost enjoy the evening if she wasn't feeling so guilty. Everyone tried to tell her a story that involved Marie in it, every time they finished it they looked at her with expectant eyes, waiting to see if she could remember, but found nothing in her. And every time she had to meet that hint of disappointment in their eyes, her heart broke a little. All she wanted to do was to run away from that place as far as she could.

The worse part of the night was when Derek stood up and left. Seriously! He just left. Now that she thinks back, she must have looked like a crazy person, but she couldn't help it. She ran behind him to catch him before he climbed to his car.

_'You'll be all right here. I have to go back to Manhattan, that's where I live. I have to work, I been absent long enough.'_

He said, when she questioned him, about him leaving her in this place alone with this people. He seemed as if he couldn't take it anymore, as if he had to run away from this place... and get as far away as he could from her. At least she wasn't the only one in the need of a run.

Sadness crept all over her small frame as she watched him driving away from her. In that moment she wanted to throw herself to the floor and sob like she did the day she watched her dad drive away, to never come back. Why was he leaving her, like this?

Was he nuts? Why would she have to stay here, if Derek himself didn't have the guts to stay? The coward left her here to face the lie he built. A rush of terror filled her all over, and she just ran to her room, not even considering what the whole family thought about the previous scene.

All she knew, was that she had to escape from all that kindness. It felt like a knife piercing through her soul, every single time a smile came across her way.

Of all the stupid things she has done in her life, this was definitely the stupidest. As soon as she could control her speeding heart, she unglued her back from the door, she ran to the closet and started packing up, there was no way she could ever spent a night here. How could she? How could she sleep in this roof and look at that lovely woman in the eyes tomorrow morning knowing what she knew? This was it, she was going back to Boston.

A soft knock on her door interrupted her frantic race, to pack her stuff.

"Meredith! May I com in." Elizabeth's soft voice came from outside the room

She swallowed something dry in her mouth, she could swear her saliva was missing. Her mouth was dry as a desert, she had to face this woman, and this was going to be one of the most difficult things she's ever done in her life.

Elizabeth didn't waited for Meredith to answer and walked herself inside the room.

"What's going on?" The woman asked in shock as she realized Meredith was packing her clothes.

"I'm sorry… You're all so nice to me, but… I… I don't belong here… I'm going home."

"This is your home."

"No… It's not… This is not my home… and you are not my mother… I'm Meredith Grey, daughter of Ellis and Thatcher Grey. I don't belong here and I wanna go home." She sounded as a 10 year old having a tantrum.

"Ok! Let's not make any rushed choices, lets sit down and talk about this."

"There is nothing to talk about… I'm not your daughter. Why would you want your non daughter to stay?"

"Let's just calm down and talk." Elizabeth responded in a calm and collected tone.

"I don't want to calm down. I wanna go." The spoiled brat in her talked.

A small chuckle came from Elizabeth, who was looking at her, like a mother would looks at her kid when she just accomplished something extraordinary, like walk for the first time or graduate valedictorian from college.

"I always knew that you would be the most stubborn of all my kids, you should've seen the troubles I had to convince you to stop wanting all the things you wanted. You were such a brat, I guess that comes with being the younger of the family, everyone gave you too much attention. Like the day your brother gave you a bunny for your third birthday, and you fell completely in love with it. But Derek never asked me, he never said anything about giving you a bunny, and I read somewhere that bunny's feces have a bacteria that can be very toxic to a child so small, so I had to take the bunny away from you. You cried so much… I had to tell you a story about how the bunny's mommy came for him, cause he missed her so much. Then I had to buy you a cat to calm you down. Which I had to get rid of too, cause you were always scratched in the arms and face."

"I don't like cats."

"I know… It was until I bought you a puppy, that you were finally happy. Our beloved Lucas, that dog loved you so much. Since you disappeared he slept every day at the door waiting for you until he died. We buried him in the garden beside the old oak."

"Have you not listened to anything I just said? I'm not your daughter. I know nothing about bunnies, or cats, or dogs."

"Why you came, then?"

"I… I came because I knew Derek would not take no for an answer. He loves you very much... So there, I came… I kept my word… I met you… It was very nice to meet you Mrs. Shepherd. And now I'm going back home." Merdith said as she kept packing.

"Derek told me about that young man you were living with, in Boston."

"Of course he did." She hissed in a sarcastic tone to herself.

"There is no home waiting you back there Meredith. You have no family in Boston. This is your home, we are your family sweaty. Now… I understand you want to go to med school."

"Haven't anybody tell you people it is rude to snoop into other's peoples lives."

"Yale is a 30 minutes ride from here. All my kids went to Yale. Except for Derek, he went to Johns Hopkins. My husband –your dad- used to teach there. I'm sure it would take just a call to the dean, and you can be there Monday morning. The classes just started, it wont be too hard for you to catch up, you're a Shepherd after all, medicine it's in your blood. It was not a surprise for me to learn you tried to get into med school in the past."

"Did you know too, I was rejected cause I have a juvenile detention file, for vandalism? I can be really… really dangerous."

"Nice try, honey… But nothing you ever tell me about your life will make me think any less of you. You did the best you could, with what you had. I love you just as you are, with all your mistakes and faults included. To me you're perfect. And don't worry about that file. The dean owes this family a few favors, if I'm telling you can be in Yale by Monday morning, it's because it's the truth."

"I can't"

"Why not."

"I can't pay for it."

"Oh baby! That is not a problem at all."

"Do you really think I can take advantage of a crazy woman, who claims to be my mother and use her to go to Med school? I don't think I can be that evil."

"Why not? Everybody does it. Everybody takes what they want, whenever they want, no matter the cost."

"Well… I'm not everybody."

"The more I talk to you, and listen to you, the more convinced I am, you're her."

"You must be blind then."

"Maybe I am. But right now all I can see is how beautiful you are, and I'm in awe at what a fine young woman you grew up to be… You did it all by yourself… I'm so proud of you baby… Stay! Stay with us… You have nothing to lose… and a lot to gain. Give it a try. Please! Don't run away from me just yet, let me love you just a bit more."

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**A/N. This is a boring update, cause it has all the description stuff, the who's who… and who does what… And as you can tell, my laziness made me shorten the kids introduction into Kathleen's bunch, and Nancy's bunch, but since this is Mer's side of the events, I don't think she would remember all the kids names and ages and stuff. We'll get to know them better as the story goes forward. I hate all the description stuff and I always try to avoid it, but it had to be done, cause you had to know who's who and what's what… :) ****But I loved the song, of all the songs I've chose this one is the one that fits the most. My decision to use only Radiohead songs for this fic, is starting to worry me cause I realize I might be running out of songs. I still have a few I want to use, but then what? Maybe I'll have to move along to Coldplay or Oasis or something. ;) Oh and the bunny story… A real life story, it happened to me. He he. Of course when I grew up and realize the story about the mommy coming for her baby bunny was total bullshit I was very pissed at my mom. And for those expecting me to update my other fic, I'm on it girls. ;)**


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